The label fussy eater or picky eater is used to describe a child that displays feeding difficulties. They either, refuse to eat familiar food, try new foods as well as displaying strong preferences.
It is quite normal for toddlers to refuse to eat and even try food. The trick here is not too over worry about what your child eats in each meal, not even over a day. It is better to look at a week period at a time. If your child looks healthy and putting on weight, it’s likely they are eating enough food.
Fussy eaters can push parents to the limit, leaving you feeling worried for your child’s health and growth. You may be feeling quite inadequate as a parent, who doesn’t even seem to know how to feed a toddler. You could feel stressed and dreading meal-times coming round again.
Personal Experience
My own experience with my own toddler left me questioning my ability to understand what my daughter needed. Mealtimes were a battle ground. She would refuse to eat, closing her lips tight, and throwing the plate and it’s contents on the floor. I felt alone and judged by the professionals who were observing her closely,… weekly, as her weight kept on dropping.
I used to feed her anything she wanted. Whether it was crisps, toast… anything, as long as she eat something and would not lose any more weight.
How did I cope?
The truth is I was at breaking point, concerned for my child’s health, feeling lost and alone, feeling judged and observed. I did not know what else to do, I stopped eating myself, as I felt so guilty that I was eating and she wasn’t.
Reinforcement
Now I understand, I went about it the wrong way completely. The more I fed her what she wanted, the more I reinforced the message, she did not need to eat normal food. The more I shouted and got frustrated, the more she refused to eat. I was her role model, so my not eating reinforced her refusal to eat.
They say that, as parents we make all the mistakes with our first child, and that is true of me, although I wish I’d had more children to test the theory properly.
The turning point
We were lucky, her Health Visitor, after a frank conversation, decided to refer her to a dietitian. Their advice from day one, made a massive difference. However, it took three days of me crying my head off as my daughter refused to eat completely. Nothing, not a crumb passed her lips into her mouth. I though, she was going to die. The worst time in my life, no joke!!
The dietitian told me something which I never forgot “Children do not starve themselves. If they are hungry enough, they will eat”. This made sense, my daughter could not feel hungry enough as I fed her with crisps and whatever she wanted as soon as she refused food. Why should she eat the nourishing meals provided, when she could have all her favourite snacks just by refusing to eat? She never experienced hunger!
Light at the end of the tunnel
Following the advice given by the dietitian, I put the food in front of her at mealtimes, and while we were also eating, I would not comment on her not eating. Not even glancing at her or look in her direction. As soon as we finished our meals, I would take her plate away and fed her nothing until the next meal. Then we would repeat this strategy every meal.
Surely enough, by day three from the corner of my eyes I noticed she was playing with the food and little by little she started to feed herself.
Changing strategies
Don’t take me wrong, she continued to be a fussy eater most of her childhood. My attitude towards it changed though, and so did her eating habits. I stopped feeding her between meals. We would give her smaller portions, so she felt happy when she finished her food. I learnt what foods she liked the most, and made them very nutritious. For example, hiding lots of different vegetables in the tomato sauce for spaghetti bolognaise, which I used for meatballs, pasta, rice etc.
I relaxed about her eating, and as she grew, she learnt to eat other things. Few years ago, she surprised me when she told me she was eating baked beans, something that as a child she would close her lips to, and aeroplanes or trains did not make a difference.
Sharing is Caring…
This experienced is something I have shared with other mums over the years.
I remember a child that used to attend one of the nurseries I managed at one point in Southall. He was three years old, and his grandma and grandad were involved in picking him up and dropping him at nursery while mum and dad went to work.
Anyway, this little boy was extremely fussy with his food. He would wake up just before leaving for nursery, and grandma would feed him rotis, in the car on his way to nursery. Two hours later was lunch time and he was not hungry, so he would refuse the food offered. The Grandparents would come to pick him up at 3.30pm, at which time we would inform them he had not eaten, so Grandma would take out some jaffa-cakes and give them to him to eat on his way home.
This was everyday, without fail. I had a chat with the little boy’s mum, and we put together a plan, to wake him up earlier, give him a proper breakfast of oats or cereal, and stopping the feeding between meals. Surely enough, he started eating few days later. Not only that, the amazing thing was, he was not a fussy eater at all. Once the routine changed he started eating everything.
Something to think about
Just like with us adults, children’s tastebuds change, so keep offering your child foods they have refused before. They say it takes about 10 times of children trying some new foods, before they accept them.
Some more tips…
- Feed your children the same food as the rest of the family, just take care you don’t add any salt for them. If you buy food already cooked, look at the food labels carefully. Children under a year old should not have more than 1g of salt a day, toddlers under 3 years old not more than 2g and 4-6 year olds, not more than 3g a day.
- Do not praise children when trying new foods and try not to use dessert as a reward. Think about the message you are giving your child if you do that.
- Involve children in food preparation, to experiment with new foods through sensory cues.
- Be aware of the language you use and facial expressions around food. Your children will be observing and imitating you.
Make food fun
Making meals enjoyable is a good way of getting fussy eaters to try foods.
- Cut sandwiches in funny shapes by using cutters
- Eat a rainbow of fruit and veg that you can add to any meal, so they have a choice.
- Change the way you present your food, so if your child will not eat cooked carrots, cut buttons and offer them raw to them.
Remember even if you introduce all these strategies, your child may continue to refuse certain food. As mentioned before, it will take time so patience and repeated exposure are key.
